[June is the guest blogger here on For the Earth who occasionally submits Animal Spirit Medicine pieces. She's having problems accessing WP this morning so she asked me to submit this for her... read on... :~) ]
by June K. Brown
I finally got my computer back. One week of a dead computer. No way to type, no way to e-mail, no way to research writing jobs or submit manuscripts. Deadlines for contests passed me by, all because of a stupid Windows Vista computer malfunction.
All of my work had been saved on a disk prior to the computer crash, but I think that I really don’t care anymore.
I get to start with a clean slate.
A clean slate. Everything that I have written and that has been rejected over and over again is now sitting on a disk, marked ’back up’. It no longer plagues me. It no longer stares at me, asking to be ’re-worked’ only to be rejected again. I get to start all over. I get to recreate every story, every plot, every line, every word.
This is my first new document. My liberation. My new beginning. My New Year. This is Feb 2nd, 2010, the first day of my writing year.
Last night, after we finished the system restore, my son said, “Well, at least we don’t have to worry about computer viruses anymore. You’re computer is totally clean.”
That’s when I realized that I didn’t want my old writing to be put back on this computer. Let it lie. Leave it to fester or rot, whichever comes first. Putting all of that old writing back on here seemed like I’d be infecting my computer with clutter and disorganization.
In late December, I started making my writing goals for January 1st. My main goal was to come out of ‘hiding’ and be seen. I never once thought that sending out the ‘old’ writing would be a bad thing. But now, I can see that in order to make these changes, to be seen, I need to ditch my old stuff and rewrite everything from a new point of view.
10 days have passed and I have a whole new perspective.
Sometimes I have to be smacked on the head, or in this case, IN the head.
Feb 12th, 2010: Ah… the dreams. Strange and mighty. Black Panther came to me. He
was in a large pantry style cabinet with glass doors. All cramped up, he was lying on a shelf with the right side of his face and neck smashed against the glass. I opened the door and using both hands, began scratching him behind his ears, massaging his neck and shoulders. I said, “I need to get you out of here, but I think the neighbors might be scared by your presence. Is it safe to let you out?” I then reached toward the glass cabinet door to shut Black Panther back in. He stared back at me, calm, giving me the right to make the decision. I closed the door only half of the way and then quickly open it again. I grabbed Black Panther on either side of his head, curling my fingers into his thick, soft fur. I brought his face closer to mine, leaned in and gave him a big kiss on his forehead.
Black Panther teaches us to go into the unknown without fear. In my dream, Black Panther was locked up. Have I locked up my dreams/writing, fearful of letting them out into the unknown? Obviously, I have. All of my writing is on that back-up disk, sitting on a shelf in my office. I haven’t opened the door to that yet.
It’s time to put all of those documents and computer files back in the word processor. Time to grab it by the scruff of it’s neck, give it a good scratch around the ears and plant a big kiss on its forehead.
June K. Brown
Key Largo Blue Plant Nursery and Woodworks