Wow! I’m writing! I’m actually writing!
Er, that is to say that I’ve actually spent the past six hours reworking the first chapter of my book. And this is a banner day since I have not worked on the book since March when my gardening season started and my life got swept up into the maelstrom of clients’ gardens, weeds, mulch, pruning and some design.
And the current of that work, that is so essential to paying my bills, carried me farther and farther away from what I’m really called to do, that is – write. Write essays. Write poetry. Write this second book, dammit.
What prompted this turn of events and dredging up of chapters that had not gotten a glance since March? Well, a number of occurrences, some intentional and some not so intentional.
First my gardening season always slows down this time of year. All the busyness of the spring calms to a simple maintenance mode and the workload is not so demanding. Actually that started to happen in early July but I still could not muster the discipline to pull out the chapter drafts then. Instead I put my attention to catching up on my own weedy garden, some house projects, and frittering away at Facebook and my blog.
What else? Oh, reading the paper at my table. Walking around the house in a daze trying to avoid the pile of unfinished chapters sitting in a corner of my office. Stealing People magazine from the dentist’s office and spending an evening reading that instead. Those types of silly procrastination actions.
Meanwhile this vague feeling of gnawing wrongness pervaded my days and haunted my dreams. A knowing that things were not right with my time and focused energy chomped at my moods spiraling me into frustrated melancholiness. I felt as if I had swallowed a logjam of my own choosing and most of my life energy or chi was dissipating away on frittered uselessness. Working in the client’s gardens was okay because that paid my bills. But the rest of my time was spun out cotton candy haziness of non-productivity and was sapping me.
So last week, my credit union kicked me in the buttocks by informing me that if I did not take out a loan on my open line of credit, they would close the account. If I allowed this to happen and wanted to request any money in the future, I would have to pay for a new home assessment and credit check, to the tune of several hundred dollars. This did not make any sense letting that account close. I probably will want to take advantage of that money for some home repairs or publication costs for my second book at some point in the future (in the case of my book, hopefully near future!).
So I called up the credit union and asked them what was the minimum amount that I needed to request as a loan to keep the account open and the woman told me $1000. So I filled the form out and requested the $1000 loan check.
And suddenly I have an extra $1000 to cover the cost of an editor to help me work through some of the book challenges that arose last winter – such as how exactly to write the middle of the book where my book outline seemed to collapse like a game of pick-up-sticks and I could not figure out my way through it.
So I did some research on editors, contacted several and have narrowed it down to one writer/editor. And she wants to see the first chapter of my book to give me a sample critique.
Which means that I need to pull out that first chapter and review it, edit it, revise it… etc, etc.
And suddenly the logjam within me has been yanked free and I have let the words flow all day and I have to say that I have not felt this alive in months. Not to mention feeling a calm wholeness come over me of deeply knowing that this is where my energy is meant to be spent. A blissful feeling of rightness.
Now the problem is that I don’t want to go back to gardening tomorrow. I would rather stay home all week and cloister myself to crank through Chapter 2 again, and Chapter 3 and move all those other fallen limbs out of the stream of writing that this book is supposed to be.
Ah… I’ll figure it out… There is always evening time. And some free weekend time. Plus I’m supposed to be gardening only three days a week. I’d like to put the gardening business on auto-pilot. Garden Cruise Control. That would be nice. ;~)