So… tonight I had a book event. In Leesburg, Virginia. At a rather swanky French restaurant. It was very quiet. No one came.
But that’s okay. Sometimes I think I’m meant to have a very quiet night. And I had put it out to Spirit that I was on retreat this week. So I suppose it should not come as a surprise that all the people who were supposed to be at my book event, retreated home, instead of coming out to my event.
I was going to talk more about my first book tonight too. Maybe I was not ready to discuss that. It’s been about five years since I cracked it open. It was published over 12.5 years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago. Kinda.
Authors don’t always share about the quiet nights when we’re out plugging our book/s and we come home with as many as we left the house with. That’s okay. Not always fun to talk about that.
Though, tonight I gifted the restaurant which hosted me with a copy of the God book (If I gave you God’s phone number….) and the Messages from Mother…. Earth Mother book. They gave me a really lovely dinner of roasted beets and goat cheese with balsamic dressing. And a dish of paté with crouton bread slices with teeny little pickles perfectly sliced and arranged in an arc of three on the plate, dotted with capers. And a mound of gritty looking mustard that I did not touch—it looked odd to me, almost like fox feces with lots of seeds. For real. Plus I don’t like paté with mustard, gritty or not.
The restaurant would not let me pay for dinner. So I exchanged with the books.
That was how this whole book event in this restaurant evolved. A book exchange. In Dec, I had a book signing down the street and popped into the restaurant for a bowl of soup afterwards. And ended up bartering dinner for a copy of the God book. Bartering is the absolute best. The owner loved the book and offered to do an Author Event at her restaurant. She had never done one before… so it was all an experiment.
I love experiments. I also love good food. Please, if you are ever in Leesburg, Virginia, go patronize this restaurant. The Eiffel Tower Café. Tell them that I sent you.
So… before signing off on this blog piece… I need to add that the chef there had a bunch of questions about the God book and why I did it. It was a quiet evening for them so he came out and chatted with me briefly. I told him about my depression in my mid-30’s. And how I got this goofy idea about calling God on the phone and it would not leave me alone, so I got a tape recorder and started interviewing people… and seven years later, put a book out. (That sounds so easy… it was not so easy, trust me… ;~)
This chef wanted to talk with me about being a sinner. And how blessed he’s been in his life and he’s trying to serve the Lord but he’s a sinner. I listened a little bit and then responded that I’ve really gotten away from believing in the sinner path. It just brings up so much guilt and how does having so much guilt get one closer to God? It only encourages one to carry heavier energy instead of more joy, in my opinion. (I could probably be more humble about this opinion, maybe?)
I did not exactly word it that way… but close to that. And I was not mean about what I was saying, nor angry. Just sort of gently matter-of-fact. I told him that I thought he was probably already doing a very amazing job of serving the Lord with his life and work. Maybe he can just focus on paying-it-forward if he feels that blessed.
Not sure exactly how he took it… about my not believing in being a sinner anymore. As I drove home, I wondered if I might have offended him. Or was too out-of-the-box for him. Or blasphemous. Maybe all of the above.
I really don’t believe in the “sinner” set of thinking. I believe we’re all flawed, meant to be flawed, quite lovable in our flaw-nicity, and let’s just dance as well as we can in cultivating our internal God-Spaces as we heal ourselves and our flaws to the best of our abilities. That’s what it is all about to me.
But this is not Christian Bible-based thinking.
What can I say? I’ve never been good at conforming.
And I’m happier shedding the “sinner” thing. Have been for a while. Still working on shedding guilt though… for upsetting someone… for creating some waves… for… whatever feeds the guilt in my life. Sigh. This is a journey.
So, quiet night. Digesting paté and beet salad still.
Tomorrow, I will get up and will soak up the perfume of the lilacs in the neighbor’s yard and be grateful for the hills here, the exercise, the sun and the beautiful trees that whisper good morning to me each day. And Earth Mother. And Creator/Allah/Great Mystery…
And I’ll give the good ‘ole book promotion, another try. Another place. Another plug.
What an adventure. ;~)